I don’t have much “me time.” That’s okay – I appreciate having a job, and having a family to come home to after that job.
But I enjoy the moments of peace, and I enjoy the opportunity to recharge. One of my “me” times is actually the drive to and from work, especially on days when I don’t have any kids in the car who are tagging along to go meet up with friends in Gainesville, or go to the library to use the internet because our connection at home is so bad, I actually named the WiFi “Worthless Connection.”
This morning, I left the house in the time window that allows me to make it to work on time without excessive speeding. I did so AFTER trying to wake my oldest, who had planned to come along. When asked if he wanted to get up and come along or do it some other day, he groggily deferred getting up. My daughter was awake and on the couch, having slept there a couple of hours before waking and spending the rest of the night hogging what little bandwidth we have watching movies on my laptop.
Back story: my oldest son had a fit last night, because he has misplaced his wallet, which contains his driver’s license. He also kept me up helping him search for said wallet.
So… I am driving to work, enjoying the colors around the edges of the sky as the sun begins to rise, a recording of Sarah Chang playing the opening strains of “Carmen,” when I suddenly notice the full moon in all its glory, sinking over the horizon. Magic.
I was musing on the beauty all around me, and appreciating the fact that for now, at least, we have some small measure of peace in a world quickly falling into chaos.
Then the phone rang.
I couldn’t understand what she was saying, I only knew that it was my daughter, and that she was screaming. The cell phone was cutting out, either because of our lack of connection where we live, or because her shrieking was causing the microphone in her phone to malfunction. Really, it could have been either.
The series of phone calls that followed was anything but peaceful, as I tried to discern what had her worked up, followed by trying to reach both my husband and my oldest son. The calls lasted for about 20 miles of my 50 mile drive, and at one point I looked down and realized I was hitting 80 mph in the 60 mph zone. Eek.
I don’t really want the moon, it is best kept in its rightful place. No asteroids need to knock it any closer, like in the novel “Life as We Knew It”, (read it if you haven’t yet!!! Susan Beth Pfeffer will have you hoarding canned goods…)
What I DO want is a few minutes of sanity. I like to arrive at work at peace, not flustered. I want my kids, who are almost adults, to learn how to remain calm and solve problems for themselves. I’m tired of putting out other people’s fires.
I love my kids, but on some small level, I am missing their annual trip to visit their father.
Moment of Mom-Guilt…