Time

I am looking at the little clock on the computer as I type, and it is telling me that it is already 1:23 a.m. I don’t have to get up early tomorrow for work – I now have Thursdays and Fridays off, and I don’t have to go in on Saturday until 3:00 p.m. Sunday morning will be a  bitch, though, as I work Saturday night until 11:00 p.m., then turn around and come back in on Sunday morning at 7:00 a.m. and it’s Daylight Savings weekend, otherwise known as “Congress is sadistic and decided they like to toy with our perception of time just because…”

My annual gripe-fest. Done.

My fears expressed in the post last week turned out to be true. Money is going to be even tighter. Joyous. So this weekend, we’re trying to hold one more quickie estate sale.

I wanted to go to see Bernie Sanders speak tomorrow, but I’m not sure I can handle the part where I have to wake up early, stand around in a long line, and be in a huge (make that yuuuuge!) crowd for hours. I’ve been averaging about 3.5 hours of sleep a night for the past few nights, so I’m not sure it’s the best idea. If I do go, I’m taking the Nikon with me – the battery is charging now.

I have regained my afternoon, though. Originally, I was scheduled to drive my oldest son and some other orchestra members to Jacksonville, Florida for their district concert, but as not enough parents could be found to transport kids, the trip had to be canceled. This is the first year the school has had an orchestra, and they are doing remarkably well, but funds are extremely tight, and we have not been able to raise enough money to rent charter buses. Because the trip was during the school week, school buses were simply not available. Things are tough all over.

You know, I really don’t feel like being the parent who does it all. I’m a little stressed out myself. It was a stretch for me to come up with gas money. (We did manage to sell some stuff.) But I remember having opportunities when I was in school, and how much those opportunities meant to me, and I want those opportunities not just for my kid, but for all of those kids who want them. I had even put in for time off from work, because up until two weeks ago, I had no idea that Thursday would become a regular day off for me. I wish another parent or two would have been able to find a way to drive a couple of kids. But I understand that sometimes people really just aren’t in the position to be able to do things like that.

When I got out of work yesterday, (or technically, as it is after midnight, the day before yesterday…) I had to stop at the grocery store before going home. I knew I had a lot of homework to do. It’s funny how many weird little thoughts will run through my head when I’m pressed for time but I’m still managing to procrastinate.

I was thinking about all the twists and turns of life.

Two little girls wore black leotards and pink tights, their hair pulled tightly back, they went to ballet, where the standards were discipline was tightly enforced. They were taught to stand in rows, to do pliés and tendus and releves. 

The little girls went to piano lessons, where a kind old woman marked out the fingering marks when she realized the little girls were using those fingering marks to guess which notes to play, instead of actually reading the music.

Money and time grew tight, and the little girls were given a choice. Piano or ballet? The older girl had trouble picking, but the younger child, loyalty bought with kindness, chose piano, and swayed the older child. 

I was the younger child.

I was the person who always seemed to pick kindness. I watch as my daughter makes the same choices I made, and I understand that the choices she makes are likely to lead her down the same path they led me – a path of rich friendships and very unstable economy. I don’t know whether to smile or weep for her.

I do know this – when I tried to be pragmatic, I still failed miserably. Going against the heart may or may not lead to wealth, but it nearly always leads to misery.

We may always acquire more wealth, but time, once gone, will never be regained.

DSC_0933

I awoke later than I planned on waking up this morning, and I decided to do it. Life is a precarious thing. I went down and listened to Senator Sanders speak. To my delight, Major Tulsi Gabbard was there to introduce him.

 

 

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