Resolve

I’ve been REALLY bad about blogging lately. The month of December was pretty much a wash. Death, destruction… Not something I want to write about all the time. And so, so many disappointments.

But it’s January 1st. A fresh year. And even if I didn’t meet some “goal” I set for myself, I wrote more than I would have had I made no goal. That’s the thing about life – things are rarely as we expect them, but we have to keep trying.

I would like to accomplish a few things this year. But rather than concentrating on the end project, I am going to concentrate on what I do have control over – my actions. So here they are:

  • Move more. Get up, get exercising, breathe deeper, and play.  While I would really like to join the gym that has the indoor pool, that might not be feasible right away. For now, I can walk. I can stretch more. I can maybe hit the gym at work before I go home?
  • Clean more. I need to declutter. I need to be consistent with things like trash and dishes and laundry. Today I am taking a break from laundry due to family superstition, but last night I prepared by washing a LOT of clothes, and making sure everyone started the new year with clean sheets. The ferret cage was cleaned, the guinea pig cage was cleaned, and all the dishes were washed.
  • Learn more. Both in school and out of school. Keep plugging away at my programming skills. Keep challenging myself. Reading more, stretching my mind more.
  • Apply more. Apply the skills I know. Fill out job applications. There, I said it. If anyone from my workplace is reading this, they can make of it what they will. The stark reality is that eight months out of the year, I absolutely HATE my schedule, which makes it difficult for me to spend time with my children and my husband. And the sad truth is that it will never get any better, because it’s the nature of the beast. So yes, I am seeking other opportunities. While I am here, I will give everything I can to the job at hand. I will continue to do my job well, continue to go above and beyond by doing things to make this job easier not only for myself, but for those around me. But I will openly seek opportunities better suited to who I am.

Life is so short. I don’t believe that there is some after life in which we float on clouds with Jesus. I don’t believe the misery of the world is God’s way of testing people. To me, that would indicate that God is some sort of psychopathic needy being constantly asking his creations to validate his very existence by proving our devotion. That, to me, is the invention of sick minds.

What I do believe is that nobody really knows for certain why we have the time we have, why we are alive, though there are plenty of people offering platitudes. What we can do is enjoy as much as we are able, and do everything we can to create opportunities to do things we love. I’ve spent too much time doing things that leave me feeling torn apart. I need to have one really big resolution:

Enjoy life to the fullest!

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