Watch out for projectile deer this Christmas Season…

Now it’s just getting to the point that this is almost laughable.

Yesterday we talked to Valerie’s neighbor about leaving a key for some of Adam’s friends who are staying there, taking care of the four cats, and doing a bit of cleaning. Ted (the neighbor) agreed to leave it in the mailbox, and he was going to put Valerie’s Mail on the table.

I guess he forgot, or was distracted, I don’t really know. But yesterday shortly after sunset, the friends arrived, and no key. And Ted was not answering his phone. So I decided to drive the key out to him. And my 15 year old daughter decided to come along.

I planned to get gas closer to Dunnellon, the destination town, and to run to Walmart or a hardware store in Williston or Dunnellon to make another copy of the key.

I took a detour to avoid mall traffic.

I was on Williston Road, in Alachua County, approaching County Road 324 when I noticed a car in the opposite direction swerving off the road to their right.

Last week I witnessed someone driving the wrong way down a Main Street in Williston, so shit happens around here, but I barely had enough time to wonder what the hell they were doing when I found out: they hit a deer. Which was then projectile launched into my van. It hit the grill, and I ran over it because I had no choice at that point. The van started smoking – we killed the radiator.

It took 20 minutes for Adam to arrive, 25 minutes for AAA, and about the same amount of time to start a claim with USAA.

The guts were also stuck to the underbelly of the van, according to. The tow truck guy.

It was towed to my house last night, and to a collision center this morning while I was in a deposition. (I’m a witness in a suit.)

Sorry, but you ARE getting a picture of my smoked-venison scented van.


Notice the dangling entrails when you zoom in on that front plate.

We were VERY lucky.

Oh, and the car that launched Rudolf drove off with a nice scrunched hood.

People kept speeding by, honked when I was standing next to Adam’s car, and almost hit the tow truck driver.

Adam said the USAA tow truck driver almost hit another car in our driveway picking up the van.

Good times.

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