Weekend Java


Thanks to Opinionated Man and his open invitation to shamelessly self-promote on his page yesterday, (Thanks again!!!) I stumbled on Weekend Coffee Share.

The rules can be found on the link to Part Time Monster’s Page above, and if you do participate, you can link your entry HERE.

So, without further ado…

If we were having coffee, I’d have to sign you in first, because I’m working, and this is a secured area… I would have to make sure that you weren’t able to view FCIC/NCIC or DAVID or any of the student information that is covered by FERPA law. (DAVID is the Driver And Vehicle Information Database.) Unless you happen to work here, and are already authorized to view such things…

I would brew a pot of coffee in the break room, but I would probably have to keep darting back up front to answer the phone, and I’d be carrying a portable radio with me, in case one of the officers called something in. Or, perhaps you’ve brought something with you? No? Okay, no problem. Let me just make sure the mug I’m about to use is clean, because some of them have collected a bit of dust…

I hope you like your coffee black, or with artificial sweeteners/disgusting powdered creamer, because it seems we don’t have any sugar on hand, and while there is some milk in the refrigerator, I’m not sure who brought it in. Oh, wait, I DO have one or two of those little shelf-stable half and half things in the fridge. Want one? I drink my coffee with real dairy stuff or just black, no sugar. I’d probably commence explaining this, and you’d start to wonder why you drove all the way down to the police station on Easter morning just to hear me talk about how I stopped putting sugar in my coffee years ago. It’s just not interesting…

If we’d planned ahead, I might have something on hand for us to munch on as well… probably something sweet. We’d go back up front, pull up a rolling chair, sit back and get as comfortable as possible. You might remark that it’s quiet, and I’d tell you to shut the hell up before you jinx things.

I would ask you how you’ve been, what’s going on… and then probably interrupt you because I have a nasty habit of doing that without even realizing it. Sorry. I don’t mean to be rude, but my stream of consciousness and my mouth sometimes forget to click the off switch.

If you asked me how my day was going, I’d probably whine just a little bit about the fact that I’m here on Easter Sunday, even though I don’t consider myself a Christian anymore. I would probably tell you about Easters in the past, and make you listen to Randall Thompson’s Alleluia before launching into a story about how that song almost broke up a church choir in which I was once a member.

Seriously, while I love the song, I think the frustration of learning it pitted member against member, ultimately creating the rift that would drive my favorite organist/choir director of all time to leave that Episcopal Church and seek friendlier waters elsewhere.

I was “in love” with that particular choir director (in a platonic way – because he happened to be gay) because not only was he extremely talented, he was witty. Who doesn’t love a man who, tired of some cheesy hymn the congregation insists upon singing every other week, secretly raises the key a half step each time until the unknowing congregation starts complaining that they never really liked that hymn, it’s too difficult to sing with all those really high notes.

If we were having coffee, we’d probably talk a bit about music, and pull up a video or two on Youtube. It might start out all serious, but at some point one of us would bring up The Life of Brian.

From there, I would probably ask if you’d ever watched Drop Dead Gorgeous, and either way, I’d bring up this scene:

This would, naturally, lead to a certain scene in Bad Grandpa:

Before you knew it, we’d be having a full blown contest to see who could come up with the worst thing on the internet. Feel free to post a few links to some of the worst you’ve seen in the comments…

If you worked here, I’d ask if you’d seen the video of a certain parking lot accident that happened a week or two ago. We’d probably watch it again and have a good chuckle, even if you had already seen it… Then we’d wish we could post it on Youtube, but realize it wouldn’t be appropriate.

Happy Easter if you celebrate. May you enjoy your day even if you don’t. Next time, we’re having tea.

And… Edited to add that the link thing doesn’t allow me to add my coffee talk link, because it is no longer open. Bummer… Well, enjoy some coffee anyway.


11 thoughts on “Weekend Java

    1. Ha! Heathens it is. OM’s shotgun approach to blogging sometimes sprays sensitive areas with lead shot, but sometimes it brings down supper. Ha! Supper this time.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Very well written, and a pretty horrific story.

        We’ve seen some pretty horrible things happen, but fortunately were not in the vehicles affected. It does get you, though. It’s the sort of thing that stays with a person.


  1. i have to say, the opening didn’t make it sound too hospitable, but the signing in and the bad-sounding coffee were worth it to hear the story about the hymn that was taken up half a step each week. Thanks for that one.

    Liked by 1 person

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