101 Manly Little Things Worth Being Happy About – “Guy Version” (caution: sexist, bad language)

Okay, today’s post contains stereotyping, sexist humor. I’m saying that up front, because I don’t honestly believe this, but I will still joke about it. There. Warning aside…

Today, I was reading a blog post about 101 Little Things Worth Being Happy About, out loud, to Adam. He refrained from saying it until I got to the “Mango Smoothie” line, but he said, “OBVIOUSLY written by a female.” Okay, I suppose, because most (straight) men won’t admit to being happy about having wildflowers in their hair, even if they are. My response? “We need to come up with 101 Little Things Worth Being Happy About, the Manly Man Edition.”  So here it is… with the caution that I realize it’s an over-generalization. I’m channeling my inner douche-bag for this one…

  1. Sex
  2. Sex in the morning
  3. Sex in the afternoon
  4. Sex in the evening
  5. Food
  6. Food after sex
  7. Cigarettes
  8. Cigarettes after sex
  9. Money
  10. Money for sex
  11. Pornography
  12. Watching pornography while having sex
  13. Watching pornography while having sex with someone else
  14. Sleeping
  15. Eating
  16. Television
  17. Sports
  18. Watching sports while having sex
  19. Having sex with multiple partners
  20. Beer
  21. Drinking beer after having sex
  22. Drinking beer before having sex
  23. Drinking beer while watching sports
  24. Drinking beer while watching sports AND having sex
  25. Tax refunds
  26. Video games
  27. A real, home cooked dinner when you get home from work
  28. Having a significant other who can enjoy the same things you do
  29. Especially if those things involve SEX!
  30. Having an honest partner
  31. Having a partner with whom you can be honest
  32. Green lights when you’re running late for work
  33. Having your dog/best friend look you in the eyes
  34. Finding extra money in your pocket after you come home from the bar
  35. Computer games
  36. When the police lights are in the rear view mirror, and they pass you and pull someone else over
  37. Getting into a good brawl
  38. Watching a good brawl
  39. Watching a good brawl between two women
  40. Teasing your buddy for getting his ass kicked
  41. Watching the sun set
  42. Watching the sun set while having sex
  43. Cow Tipping
  44. Cow Tipping with friends
  45. Cow Tipping with a chick
  46. Boning the chick after Cow Tipping
  47. A good game of mailbox baseball (younger guys)
  48. Fire
  49. Egging your enemy’s car
  50. TP’ing someone’s house
  51. Cool cars
  52. Having sex in cool cars
  53. Urinating
  54. Urinating when you’re drunk
  55. Not urinating on yourself when you’re drunk
  56. Not urinating on someone else when you’re drunk
  57. Not getting arrested for indecent exposure while urinating while drunk
  58. Not shitting yourself while intoxicated
  59. Having someone else pick up your bar tab
  60. Free food
  61. Unlimited sandwiches
  62. All you can eat buffets
  63. Making all you can eat buffets really count
  64. Would having sex at an all you can eat buffet be out of the question?
  65. Sexy Asian waitresses at the all you can eat buffet
  66. Tits
  67. Big tits
  68. Bare tits
  69. Someone letting you touch their tits
  70. Asses
  71. Fat asses
  72. Thin asses
  73. Someone letting you grab their ass
  74. Scratching your balls when they itch
  75. Scratching your balls even when they don’t itch
  76. Having someone unexpectedly make you a sandwich
  77. Having someone bring you a beer, too, without having to ask
  78. Cigars
  79. Fast cars
  80. Big trucks
  81. Making a swimming pool in the back of your truck
  82. Jacuzzi time!
  83. Having sex in a Jacuzzi
  84. Arcades
  85. Hooking up with a chick while in an arcade
  86. Fucking a chick in an arcade
  87. Fucking the chick’s BFF after fucking her in the arcade
  88. Fucking them both at the same time in the arcade
  89. Having them both buy you lunch after
  90. Having them buy you lunch at an all you can eat buffet
  91. Bacon
  92. Bacon double cheeseburgers
  93. Feeling like Chuck Norris
  94. Meeting Chuck Norris
  95. Touching Chuck Norris
  96. Having sex with Chuck Norris
  97. Dressing like a Lumberjack and Role-Playing with Chuck Norris
  98. Music
  99. Music videos
  100. Music videos with hot chicks
  101. Starring in a music video
  102. Starring in a pornographic movie with hot chicks from a music video
  103. Not having to stick to little rules like how many cool things you can list.

There you have it… 101 Manly Little Things Worth Being Happy About – the Guy Version.

The back end of a male zebra

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