I love Cracked.com. I love the way they can take a theme and run with it, do a little research, and come up with bizarre pseudo-science for the purpose of a giggle or two. Nothing goes unnoticed in the world of Cracked.com. It is one of the many subscriptions that flood my inbox each and every day, and one of the few that I almost never click and delete without at least opening to see if I’ve read the article yet.
Today, I read this article about how science can make us immortal. And as they are wont to do, they make this sound almost feasible.
I really want my brain downloaded into a computer some day. Then I can live like “Jane” from the Ender’s Game series until someone goes out into the void and comes back with an imagined body for me to inhabit. (Hopefully a really sexy one…) Yes, I love that whole idea of popping in and out of known reality that neatly solves all the problems (sort of) in Card’s entire series. If you haven’t read them yet, they’re fun. Hope I didn’t just spoil too much…
What would I do with immortal life? Let’s see… I’m on a twelve hour shift at work on a day when the college is closed and the only people coming in are over-zealous professors who don’t understand the word “vacation,” and contractors who must have doors unlocked so that they can scrub the floors. Also, the artists, and the theater people who are practicing for an upcoming run of West Side Story. Really, not much to do today.
I swear, I’ve stood up and moved around in place some. However, I have to stay within hearing range of the phone and if I leave the front desk, I have to carry the portable radio with me so that I can hear if one of the officers tries to call. (Yes, that thing comes in the bathroom with me unless I can get someone to cover the front desk.) Beyond that? What have I done all day?
- Made and ate a great big bowl of generic Maple and Brown sugar oatmeal, with a cup of sub-par Maxwell House (made from coffee bags – 2 in one cup brews an almost decent cup) coffee
- Read the work email, which consisted mainly of clicking the spam from APCO that has flooding our mailboxes since our supervisor signed us up… (Part of the training we have to complete for renewal of our certification every two years. Sigh.) and transferring the messages to a special folder I’ve created in case I actually become bored enough to flip through them for some sort of training. We just completed our needed renewal, so I think I’d prefer to procrastinate…
- Responded to the calls for unlocks and contacts to the on-call facilities person, calls for assistance in moving and escorts, and assorted other things that have actually required me to do something
- Scrolled through the Facebook and Google Plus feeds numerous times to see that absolutely nothing is going on
- Ate disgusting leftover curry chicken from Chinese takeout that probably should have been thrown away yesterday
- Checked Facebook and Google Plus again… Really, NOTHING is going on
- Resisted the urge to play Farm Heroes Saga… for now
- Read the NCIC/FCIC bulletins to make sure none of them need to be read over the radio.
- Read some blogs
- Took the following photos and MORE:
Not included: numerous “selfies” that I took simply because I could… I’m not quite narcissistic enough to post them all here…
What exactly IS my point in all of this? What if we could live forever? Can you imagine? Aside from the overpopulation problems that would exist if we were all procreating while never aging, can you imagine what life would be if you had unlimited years? How exactly would one save for indefinite retirement, anyway?
Time seems to speed up as you grow older. As a little kid, it seemed like forever until Christmas or birthdays rolled around again. Now we’re two days into March and I’m wondering where 2014 went. I fall behind in paying bills not just because I’m constantly broke, but also because that cycle seems to speed up with each passing month. What do you mean it’s already the fifteenth?!
I imagine this would get worse with more trips around the sun. Is it possible to get motion sickness from the earth’s orbit of the sun?
In the end, none of this is likely to happen anyway, because the earth will probably end soon anyway. I know this, because Cracked.com told me so.