Life is a Bowl of What?! Or, why I don’t scrapbook…

So, I’m going to start by throwing this link out there:

Yes, read it.  It really is true…  You may be able to bring in $13k a year by crapping on demand.  But only if you poop the good kind of poop.

Christine: “What do you do for a living?”
Maude:  “Oh, a little of this, a little of that…  and I sell shit.”

Wow, a case where the word “literally” could have been used correctly…

For some reason, this is the kind of thing that jumps off the shelf at me:

Toilet Shaped Coffee Mug
This coffee tastes like crap.
Lalaloopsy doll that craps gemstones
Every little girl wants this… A creepy doll with soulless black button eyes that poops jewels? Marketing genius.
Potty training doll
Another potty training doll? This time without the fancy poop.

By now, if you’re reading my blog, you must believe that I am secretly an eight-year-old boy.

The truth is, I am not particularly fascinated by scatalogical humor, I just have a tendency to notice things that are unusual.  I once had the good fortune of watching an emo couple feed each other pickings from their noses.  When in Atlanta, it is not always “Smarta” to ride MARTA.  (And avoid Grady Hospital, but that’s a story for another day…)

I did take photos of my kids through the years.  Many of them are still boxed up in the attic of the house where I used to live, in New York.  While I took on many a pointless craft project, including the construction of a “working” mast and pirate ship for a themed birthday party when my oldest kid turned five, (they barely noticed it…) scrap-booking was never one of those projects.  I just never had the patience to trim and glue photos, then add all the sparkly little trimmings.

Here is a list of pointless crafts I did create:

  • I made (with a sewing machine, felt, fabric pens, and stuffing) stuffed Jack O’Lanterns for 25 kids.
  • I painted pretty flowers on little wooden boxes.
  • I painted and personalized little wooden trucks, planes, and trains.
  • I made throw pillows.
  • I painted stained glass candle holders.
  • I painted uniquely designed pictures on slightly larger wooden boxes.
  • I’ve done a few paintings on canvas.
  • I’ve painted a giant wall mural.
  • I assisted a bunch of kids in creating a bunch of pointless crafts.
  • Does the novel count as pointless?  I hope not!

Many a time, I’ve tried to come up with ways to bring in a little extra money, but none of them involved selling actual poop.  I’ve never been much of a salesperson.  I tried Avon once…  I think I netted about $-35.  Yes, that is a minus sign..

I DO appreciate the art of product placement.  This jumped out at me last night as well:

Toy T-rex in front of a "Raptor Roller Coaster" sign.
This is a Tyrranosaurus, not a raptor. Know your extinct reptiles, Walmart…

Well, I guess that there are worse things in life than not being able to con people into purchasing things I myself would never use.

Lobsters in the tank at Publix
“Promise me you’ll never let go, Rose…”

Good night.  Back to the grind tomorrow.  One last thing? Buy my book.


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