There are SO many things I would LOVE to write at this moment, but can’t. Sometimes life just keeps coming at you from every single possible angle, and you just have to dodge and hit back where you can. There is a stress indicator scale: http://www.roadtowellbeing.ca/questionnaires/life-stressors.html
I filled it out as well as I could, seeing that some of my major sources of stress aren’t even LISTED, and that some of the stressors have occurred more than once… any number over 300 causes “high susceptibility to stress-related illness.” My score? 506. Granted, one or more of the events that I checked is pending rather than already occurring, but it’s still there.
I think back to a (somewhat calmer) time when I was writing Dreams and Hypotheticals, a moment when I stood barefoot on the sand of Jones Beach, striving to touch at an emotion that I wanted to put into the novel, something I wanted to attribute to the fictional character of Robert. I was trying to draw on some long-forgotten event of my own life, an encounter with a friend, and I wanted to tap into what might motivate this character to say and do the things I had him saying and doing. As I stood on that sand, I wished that I could know the truth. I never expected it to come from so many angles!
Truth is a powerful thing, and sometimes it comes from unexpected sources. Sometimes we don’t want to see the truth, because it tends to be uncomfortable. But it can be empowering, too. It can be amazing when you’ve seen something to realize how often some of the people around you refuse to see what, to you, has become obvious. The truly amazing thing is when the people around you see what you have seen, and suddenly you know it isn’t some figment of an overactive imagination.
When I wrote the book, I wanted to touch on things that are difficult to believe. I think that everyone has that moment where they think they understand something, but everyone around them has a different perception of what is happening. It can be a terrifying thing. Where do the lines cross between having faith and being delusional?